To some, it’s just six pairs of leggings. But to others, it’s six pairs of pants.
Bailey: Good evening everyone and good evening to our viewers at home. Welcome to tonight’s episode of Debate! I’m your host, Art Bailey, and tonight’s topic is leggings: pants or not pants? Mr Loaferman, are leggings pants?
Loaferman: Leggings are pants just like lederhosen, slacks, culottes, or any other type of pant you can think of.
Jodhpur: You will not sully the name of such fine examples of pants with your constant talk of leggings!
Loaferman: If you’ll let me finish, I’d point to the dictionary definition of pants which is, “a garment worn on the lower half of the body having individual leg portions that typically, but do not always, reach to the ankle.” Given that leggings satisfy those requirements, we must conclude that leggings are, in fact, pants.
Bailey: Mr. Jodhpur, your response?
Jodhpur: Well, first off I would have to say that that definition is incomplete if not downright false. Unlike pants, leggings should primarily be worn in a private residence with the doors and windows are fully secured. Of course, occasional trips outdoors are acceptable, so long as it’s a brief jaunt like going to the mailbox. Leggings should never be worn during daylight hours except on Sundays or when an individual is ill.
Loaferman: This is complete lunacy. Leggings are acceptable for nearly all situations and scenarios. They can be worn safely every day of the week.
Jodhpur: The problem there is that for every day someone is wearing leggings, that’s one more day that they’re not wearing pants. Those are valuable employment opportunities that are being denied to pants.
Loaferman: I have to interrupt because that is absolutely false! An infusion of leggings into the workforce of traditional trousers has been proven to be good for all parties involved. It provides relief to the overworked trousers and prevents wearers from hazardous and potentially embarrassing situations like limited flexibility, limited circulation, and accidentally ripping the seam in the butt of your pants when you try to do the splits.
Bailey: Alright, let me stop you there for a moment gentlemen. This is actually a good time for us to pause for a quick commercial break, but stay tuned. We’ll be back to settle this issue after these messages.