Don't get caught with your pants down.
[TWO FEWER THAN] 10 THINGS TO HOLD YOUR PANTS UP THAT ARE NOT AS GOOD AS A VAN HEUSEN BELT:
One of the old cables from your junk drawer
Timing belt from a Passat
A series of fulcrums or whatever
Strewn hair from a dragon mother
Penalty flags from the LSU/Syracuse game
Cooked spaghetti suspenders