Do you have a friend who isn’t very friendly?

A friend who starts weird rumors about you under the pretense of “trying to make you seem cooler”? A friend who makes you talk to ugly guys at the bar while she flirts with their cute friends? A friend who sizes you up with her eyes every time you see her but then says “It’s nothing, seriously!” when you ask her what she’s looking at?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, it might be time to initiate a friend breakup.

You might think, “Easy! I’ll just block her on Facebook, stop answering her texts, and stop hanging out with her!” Be careful. Those are offensive moves, guaranteed to escalate the situation. Before you know it, you might end up with a full-blown frenemy.

What can you do instead? It’s time to drive a wedge into your relationship. Start dropping passive aggressive comments at every opportunity. Make out with a boy she likes (or, if you can’t manage that, make her think you made out with a boy she likes). Get your hair blown out so you look especially awesome the next time you see her. Show her who’s boss.

Oh, and get yourself some killer shoes to make her super jealous. If you pick out some shoes that are actual wedges, it’ll be a fun linguistic joke to share with your cronies once you’re the queen bee of a new friend group. Your ex-bff probably isn’t smart enough to appreciate the pun anyway.

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